Showing posts with label close. Show all posts
Showing posts with label close. Show all posts
Monday, July 3, 2017
Deathnugget Project about to come to a close
Deathnugget Project about to come to a close
I posted about ... well ... two times about my spellpower deathknight project. The idea was mainly to see how much hostility Id be subjected to just for wearing spellpower gear on a deathknight. The second part of the project was to see if it ever actually got hard to level.
The second part is easiest to answer: No, it didnt. Even wearing the entirely wrong set of shoulders, chest armour and two trinkets didnt lead to impossible quests, unbeatable mobs and lots of quiet crying. In fact, this was the fastest character I ever leveled to 80.
2 days and 22 hours isnt all bad. Most of the time was taken up by getting mining and flowerpicking to high levels anyway. I dont like moving through the outlands without being able to grab everything harvestable on the floor. Obviously, starting at 55 does give a tad of a boost there.
(image taken from here - just in case you want to buy one now)
Now, how was progress up to 80, though? Pretty much the same as Ive posted about before. I got mostly comments on the robe, very occasionally on the matching shoulders. No one in all the leveling ever commented on the "spellpower/restore mana on kill" trinkets. Two of them. Most of the time I didnt really get around to spouting some nonesense about how much I prefered the colour and the cut and a fresh breeze around my undead privates - some other member of the party would usually speak up and say something like "Oh, its all about the experience bonus". A shame really.
I met some oddities on the way to Northrend as well. Like this druid who, err, apparently had bought his account. Now Im not about to fling that accusation around randomly, but there are a few hints.
Let me post a picture to clarify:
This is a level 80 druid (and to the best of my knowledge it is not actually possible to level to 80 in the old lands), who has at least some Icecrown Citadel faction and has actually been inside. Yet, the boat to Northrend was a new discovery. Sure, there are a few possible solutions - the player could have leveled entirely through the dungeon finder and always been summoned to ICC. The player could have taken the boat from Menethil Harbour and never actually set foot in Stormwind Harbour. It did all sound very fishy, though. More fishy than the normal harbour smell.
(image taken from here)
Right. Back on topic, though. Hostility even through the Northrend instances was actually low. I didnt once get kicked from a group (although proper dps probably played a role) and there were only two people that were remarkable in the whole experiment. Let me show you the details:
The usual reply to "why are you wearing a robe" apparently prompted a comment on my sexual orientation. I assume this just shows that around 11.12 in the mornings too many teenagers are online. Odd, though.
Note the other party member once again coming to my defence for no good reason at all. Just explaining that this is a perfectly accetable set, apparently. Or maybe thats just Lightbringer *suspicious of the server, suddenly, nodnod*.
More along the lines of what I had expected was this masterpiece of conversation. Here I was in the middle of explaining to him that he didnt even notice the spellpower trinkets and he threatened real life physical violence. Interesting. I have not had that before. And on my very own server, too. With a very cunningly chosen name - although I can hardly complain about that now, can I?
So ... it all came to a close near the end. I did actually reach level 80. I wanted to do one last thing before grabbing a fresh mining pick and settling down to wait for Cataclysm. One Northrend Heroic. Any of them. Really - I wasnt picky.
Unfortunately the problems were not players - it was the bloody game itself.
Apparently my leveling gear was too bad to even try a heroic. Any of them. Utgarde Keep was out. Seriously?
Oh well... a little bit of shopping made it all work out in the end. I had to buy a few green rings of the auctionhouse and craft boots, belt and gloves of the iLevel 187 pvp set.
Upped my Gearscore immensely, too.
Which finally got me an instance. Heroic Draktharon Keep - my personal Oculus. I hate the instance and I get it a lot more than anything else.
The party took almost all the way to Trollgore before the commenting started - and it then held on a little. A bit more hostile than previously - but still not really bad. Spinks and Poek (in the comments) had apparently a lot worse happen to them in normal groups.
There were even sensible suggestions on how to improve the gear. Not entirely friendly - and certainly not what a real noob would deserve - but not horrid.
And hey - for the first time since I started this project I was not actually at the top of the epeen-meters.
Look ... just barely above the tank.
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Depression Quest PC Hitting a little too close to home
Depression Quest PC Hitting a little too close to home
This one wont be fun to read. But I felt I should talk about it. So like the majority of this blog, I expect it to be ignored.
So a lot of you have read this blog and youve seen when I get fired up about something, I really get fired up. Strings of animated exaggerations and excessive use of expletives. A lot of your know that some of this is by design, because watching someone get worked up can be entertaining and to some extent, this is true. But as some of you who know me personally or say from my facebook, youve seen that sometimes the Rage Quitter just spits rage. That is just who I am.
I admit, its hard to stay out of my head sometimes. Im not saying I hear voices, but I certainly hear suggestions and a lot of them dont get along with me. Sometimes they spurn anger, sometimes they bring me down. I dont feel like I have a lot of outlets, so when I feel I need to relate to something, I fire this game up. Im no doctor, I havent been diagnosed with depression. But playing this struck a chord with me, and I really want to share my thoughts on it.
DEPRESSION QUEST(PC)
You may have heard of this game amidst the whole atrocity that is the GamerGate controversy. Now this isnt an article about that whole movement, because its been done to death and frankly Im tired of hearing about it. But at the onset of this whole debacle, it hinged off developer Zoe Quinn allegedly trying to get press for this title. Assumptions aside, it did bring the title to light to me, and I felt I should give it a shot.
Now, I use the term game loosely, because there is a bit of game aspect. You make decisions, and a story plays out, and there is a beginning and end. But more so than a game, I would akin this to a digital version of a Choose Your Own Adventure story from when I was a kid. There isnt a lot you can do other than read along with the narrative, and make decisions as you go.
As far as the story goes, you play a mid 20s personality who is in a stable and exclusive relationship with a partner named Alex. You have a day to day part time job that is covering the bills so you are living comfortably. You have a generally wide social circle consisting of old friend and co-workers but you wished you were doing something more with your life, and your parents are sort of pushing for that too.
But its a struggle, you tend to struggle with motivation issues, which gives the impression of being lazy, and tend to fixate on things you cant really control. The narrative writes you as very much internally conflicted, confused. and more than that frustrated because everyone else doesnt seem to have to deal with the problems you have.
When I first played this game, I felt if I were to really understand the experience I would have to make decisions closest to what decisions I would actually make, rather than ones I thought I might affect the game. So this is what I did. I found it a bit surprising how many of the options felt natural depending on the given situation. Granted, this isnt a game where you are going to wind up in a fantastical situation, these are just normal everyday circumstances.
Now I think the big aspect of this game that really sells it comes into the decision making. Yes, you really are just clicking links along as you read the story, and it does effect the path and the outcome a bit. But where its cleverness lies is how it guides the story. With each click of a link your decisions change, and if you starting making more decisions that line up with the behavior of depression then on the next page a number of the decisions you make will be struck through.
It paints a good picture, or at least it did to me, of how the mind can turn on itself and make would would feel like simple decisions, seemingly impossible to make. If you happen to start to veer down a certain path, it just gets that much harder for you to make decisions that would improve the situation. It spirals down and as the difficulty increases, you find that the other characters will see an increased level of frustration as well.
There is a specific section of this game that stung me in heart as I read through it. Its just a few short paragraphs, but it basically mirrored an issue that I have personally struggled with for what feels like 20 years now. In it, it is 2am on a workday, and you are laying in bed awake. Literally every thought that runs through your head is twisting on you and you are being hammered with anxiety. By this point, most of the decisions you can make will be locked off, but what really makes them brilliant is how they read.
For some of the internal decisions, it shows more of the struggle of the mind trying to rationalize the difficulty of what should be a simple decision. The bargain with oneself, the confusion over the inexplicable difficulty of something that should be simple, and the eventual turn and self defeat as you turn on yourself. This, my dear reader, is probably the thing that hit me closest to home. This is something I personally have struggled with on more than one occasion. This was the point where realized there might be something to the value of this game.
Throughout the experience, there is a very somber piano tone that continues to play through the experience, its used as a supplement to bring down mood of they player, help them get into the role of the struggling protagonist, and you can almost hear the rain falling against the window of a dimly lit room as you play it.
Its also complimented visually because at the bottom of each section, it shows you how depressed you are, and if you are currently doing anything to help it. If you continue to spiral downward, its static-y appearance becomes harder and more difficult to read, more scrambled. Not unlike the mind of someone who might be struggling.
I have mixed feelings on the reactions I have received from the other characters in this. For example, the mother is overbearing and is painted as somewhat difficult to talk to about your negative emotions. Some friends seem to have a 6th sense for noticing you are out of sorts. To a degree, I almost found everyone a bit too understanding. These arent experiences Ive had, so obviously didnt relate to it as much.
However, I understand at this is somewhat of a subjective narrative and might be written from the past experiences of the developers themselves. So perhaps they have tighter knit circles who would notice these things. Its not like when you show signs in the game you should expect to be met with outright aggression, been told to "get over it", or have someone try to belittle the issue by telling you how much worse off they are then you. These are things that can happen, but I am sure they arent common, so I dont know why I would have expected such a tailor made experience to my own. People are different, and they react different ways. Frustration takes many forms I guess.
But ultimately, as you might expect, there is no "winning" in a game like this. I have played it through many, MANY times. And I have tried to see if I was ever able to figure out what combinations of things you can do to unlock all the options. Honestly, I dont think its possible. Ive tried to make choices that seem like they would result in the most positive outcome, and the best Ive done is managed to stop my relationships from breaking up, and gotten myself on the path of wellness (both things Ive struggled to do in my actual life).
Its really a shame that the whole GamerGate thing dragged this in the mud, because while this obviously isnt going to be a 100% depiction of how depression might affect everyone, I feel it could be used as a tool for those who are frustrated with someone they might know who shows signs of it. In my case, it felt like it was a pretty accurate representation of how at least my mind works. Able to present myself with all the available options, realizing which ones might be helpful, but somehow, unable to make those decisions.
Its clear to me that the developers want to help. They provided the game online for free, and strongly feel you should play it at least once. But on top of that they also provide links for places people who are struggling might find help, such as the suicide prevention hotline, or services where you can help contribute to help raise awareness. Not only that but they are also donating a portion of their proceeds that they receive for the game to depression awareness organizations. Its admirable.
At the very least, for me, It gave me the sense that at least someone out there understands. Someone whos felt the same struggle Ive internalized (and sometimes verbalized) for years. As I play through the words of this were very much in my head. And if you dont feel its worth a purchase or a contribution thats fine, but I do feel its something you should play at least once. You might learn something.
Seriously people. Dont ever tell someone to "get over it".
It might be the least helpful thing you can do.
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